When I first started running I hated to run outside. The reason I had for hating running outside is actually quite sad. I was so self conscious about how heavy I was that it was keeping me from what I needed to do, lose weight. Every time I ran out of steam and would have to walk the thought of omg if anyone sees me walking right now they are going to think that I am to fat to run. Anytime I saw someone looking at me I would think I bet they are thinking that girl NEEDS to walk. I would run in the neighborhood at night so that way when people looked out their windows they would not know it was me out there trying to get into shape. Plain and simple I was embarrassed of myself. I now see that these fears I had were irrational. That's not to say that I don't still get those thoughts here and there but I now know to not listen to them. In fact what I have learned is that a good majority of people I talk to are impressed with what I can do they say things to me like I am not sure if I could run around the block let alone a 5k ~good job! The running community has helped me out tremendously as well. The support that runners give each other is amazing! My friends in my FB running moms group, CM running group and dailymile are some of the most amazing people I have never met. ahahahhah I know my husband thinks I am crazy for having so many friends that I do not actually know, but without them... I would probably still be running in the dark! I now know that when I am out running most people who drive past me are A. not paying attention and don't even notice me or B. think damn I wish I were out running right now.
Living in MI we have nasty winters and one thing that I can say is although I am no longer embarrassed to run outside I am to chicken shit to run outside when it is cold. I learned this last Nov. when I ran my second ever 5k and it was cold, very cold. I ran my 5k with a time over 42 min. (it took me less time to run 3.5 today) I coughed for hours after the race and I felt like I had just chain smoked a pack of cigs. It was not fun and I did not like the way I felt after so that day said no more outdoor running when it is cold. After 6 months of running inside on the treadmill or the YMCA track (except of course my 5k on New Years Day) I was ready to get my butt outside. Sunday was that day! It was warm in the 70's! I brought my 8 yr old son Cooper with me, he rode his bike. I found myself almost a little sad that I wasted so much time on being embarrassed and self conscious while outdoors. My run was great and not because I had a good pace going in fact quite the opposite. After running on a flat track all the little hills I came across seemed like mountains and I did have to walk a lot more then normal. But feeling the wind on my face, smelling the fresh air, saying hi to all the other people that were out enjoying the finally nice weather... I felt alive, not embarrassed! I just enjoyed myself and being with my son. Apparently I missed running outside, which is a very good thing!
I know what you mean about running in the cold, it's hard on my breathing!
ReplyDeleteIf people are judging you when they see you running, I bet they judge themselves 10 times harder. Like you said though, it's irrational and chances are people aren't judging you.
For a while I was self conscious to run with my hydration pack because I thought it looked silly, then I realized de-hydration looked wayyyy sillier lol.
great blog, kelly!!! welcome back to nature :-)
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